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Addiction! Compulsive behaviour! Most of us have experienced one of those and many have experienced both. Drink, drugs, gambling, unhealthy relationships, computer games, chocolate and coffee. Addictions and compulsive behaviours come on the back of substances and the lack of substances.
Why do we do things we don’t want to do?
In this week’s ‘audio passage’ from my novel ‘Bricks’ my principle character, Bobby, is prepared to humiliate himself for the prospect of more drink. And, although he admits to feelings of shame regarding his behaviour the previous night, he is still prepared to sacrifice his dignity again. Just for drink. What drives these usually unwanted behaviours?
Dr Gabor Mate (https://youtu.be/T5sOh4gKPIg ) is clear that addictive behaviours- substance based or otherwise- are attempts to deal with pain. But these behaviours, whether focussed on opiates or shopping, are attempts to escape emotional issues. Mostly though, our treasured addictions will only bring us even more pain. Dr Mate finds the answer, not in our modern prescription pharmacopeia but in the ‘Tibetan Book of Living and Dying’
And the somewhat sombre and sober conclusion he draws is summed up in the quote ‘Whatever you do, don’t try to escape from your pain but be with it.’ For that to work, Gabor says, we require not more drugs, but compassion.
At this stage in the novel our anti-hero ‘Bobby’ is experiencing little in the way of compassion. It is not clear just to what extent Bobby realises he has a problem. Alcohol abuse in Scotland has a spectrum that is partly within public acceptability. Knowing where and when one steps over the line is not always easy.
For the drinker himself/herself, the situation is often less easy to identify than it is for others. But public acceptance of drinking in Scotland can make it difficult to help, far less intervene. And of course it is the drinker/addict himself who has to take core action. Nothing else will work although I suspect, as Mate suggests, compassion is a vital key to effective support.
I hadn't read about Dr Mate when I conceived and wrote ‘Bricks’ but his point about compassion rang very true when I did discover him.
Bricks’ is about many things and rebuilding a life is one of them. One of the bricks, of ‘Bricks’, is definitely compassion!
